At times I wonder: “What on earth is wrong with this woman?”
I’ve asked myself that question more times that I care to admit.
I’m not going to subject you to that “Relationships are hard work” spiel – it’s overplayed and, quite frankly, annoying. The earth is round, all humans die, photosynthesis rocks, sex is great and relationships are as hard as they are fun. Facts of life. We’d live a lot more peacefully if we stopped nagging each other about the obvious.
I’ll also stay away from the Jesus stuff. I hear your gasps, but here’s a thought: Even Jesus himself wasn’t quoting scripture every three minutes.
These ground rules should suffice.
So we had a tiff sometime back. Curiously, the more I think I have this figured out, the more I’m left bewildered at the next cause for conflict. And it is at such times that I wonder: “What on earth is wrong with this woman?”
I sit and wonder how it’s possible that there exists a fully grown human who wouldn’t understand MY perspective – especially THIS human. She’s supposed to understand me and how I think – she’s supposed to know that behind my action is logic, and behind my logic is my gut. She’s supposed to know all this – after all, isn’t that one of the reasons why I chose her? [Besides the mane of hair crowning her head, her stunning smile and that perfect set of teeth that her smile reveals. Seriously, I don’t understand how anyone could have a perfect set of teeth. Moving on.]
The part that leaves me completely flabbergasted (and many other chaps as well, as I gather) is how we can be deep in the throes of passionate laughter now, and by the time I finish writing this statement, the air turns cold and misty in anticipation of the coming confrontation. I don’t understand how we can be carefree one minute (and inside, I’m thrilled at how I finally have a grip on things), and the next minute, I’m watching my every breath. [And seeing the mist form as I exhale because, well, frosty.]
And it is at such times that I wonder: “What on earth is wrong with this woman?”
The greatest point of unadulterated confusion: How can something so simple be so full of contradictions?
Walk with me here, because I’m sure you’ve had this thought process as well:
Ah, we’re so happy and blissful… I just want to hold her and ravish her… Look at how she throws her head back as she laughs… And the soft, supple skin on her neck looks delicious… Listen to me: I sound like bloody Dracula… Wait: What the hell just happened? Why are we on one-word answers? WHAT THE HELL JUST HAPPENED? Is she mad about… What is she mad about? What are all these questions she’s asking? What is she trying to do, trick me into giving a wrong answer? What is a wrong answer anyway? Yes, of course I’m listening to you – I just cannot catch up with all these different things you’re saying at the same time! What on earth do you mean by that statement? What does that question mean? Were we not laughing just a minute ago? WHERE THE HELL DID THE LAUGHTER GO?! WHAT ON EARTH IS WRONG WITH THIS WOMAN?!
Here’s where the contradiction comes in: You can only react this way to something you truly care about. You can only feel this strongly about someone you truly appreciate. Methinks that if not, then it’s all for nothing.
So on one side, I want peace, logic and happiness. On the other: Make-up sex. [Oh c’mon: You thought about it too.]
But that still doesn’t answer the one question that keeps cropping up: “What on earth is wrong with this woman?”
Here’s a theory I’ve been thinking through: Nothing. Nothing’s wrong with this woman.
I’m just selfish. Simple human nature.
I want her to see things my way. Always. I want her to be logical and rational. Always. But that’s not the point of a relationship. That’s a production line at a Land Rover Discovery factory. [Sidebar: The Land Rover Discovery will be no more come December 2015. I’m already mourning.]
I want it all to be about me. I keep forgetting that she’s involved in all this, and that she’s here. Between my oversize male ego and selfish human nature, I’m doomed.
I came across this post recently. [Go on: Right click, then open in new tab. Do it.] This bit caught my attention:
“…losing is letting go of the need to fix everything for your partner, listening to their darkest parts with a heartache rather than a solution… It’s finding ways to be humble and open, even when everything in you says that you’re right and they are wrong.
It’s doing what is right and good for your spouse, even when big things need to be sacrificed, like a job, or a relationship, or an ego.
It is forgiveness, quickly and voluntarily… It is knowing that your spouse will never fully understand you, will never truly love you unconditionally—because they are broken.”
I particularly hated that last statement – because that infamous ego of mine wants to jump in and fix it. What on earth do you mean by “your spouse will never fully understand you”? That’s what spice (yes, that’s MY plural for “spouse”) are supposed to do! Right? RIGHT?!
Ha. I have found a hack.
What if – and I know this sounds selfish… What if I became so selfless that she HAS to be as selfless as well? What if I lay everything on the line? That means she HAS TO lay everything on the line as well, right? So I can achieve my selfish end by being selfless! Ha!
Or she could just take advantage of it.
So what makes me believe that she’ll choose to respect my blatantly selfish selflessness, and not turn it around and rename me “Doormat”?
Nothing. I just choose to.
So: What on earth is wrong with this woman?
This is actually the beauty of it all. She is as human as I am – our differences are what make us this damn attractive.
The things that annoy her now are the very things she’s be using to eulogise me at my funeral service, with a chuckle and a tear. [I hope.]
It’s simply up to me not to focus on the selfish, and instead remind myself of why I chose her.
Yes. I think I may have finally figured it out.
Seriously, there’s no winning on this one.
Her “Journey To One,” you ask? Right here.